A Teen's Perspective on Family Vacations
by Julianna Wells | Mar 31, 2021 | Travel Resources
Time is precious, waste it wisely.
A few months ago, I went on the most amazing family vacation. As a teen with three younger siblings, I know what it’s like to be miserable on a vacation while trying to pretend that I’m having a great time! However, this last trip was incredible! What made the difference? A few key things that my parents did differently and a lot of effort from me, as well.
Now, some people may not agree with me and it may not work for everyone, but these are the reasons I came back from our last family vacation even closer to my parents than ever before. First of all, they involved me in the planning process. Secondly, while on the trip, they focused more on our relationship than the schedule. Lastly, we all had so much fun together! Let’s explore all of these three reasons:
1. Involve us in the planning process
Teens like to know what to expect. Knowing this, my mom invited me to help her plan our 10-day road trip through Colorado. We spent hours together researching, booking accommodations, and creating our itinerary. I saw that my opinion was important to her, and the more we planned, the closer I got to her and the more excited I became for the trip! Since I’m not the only child, we also worked hard to incorporate my younger siblings’ opinions, and, of course, dad’s bucket list, too! Without knowing it, I was learning the importance of compromise. Planned compromise avoids conflict on a trip because you set proper expectations beforehand. I got to choose some of the activities that seemed fun to me, but because I saw the itinerary in advance and took part in the planning, I also knew ahead of time that a few of the activities were going to revolve around someone else’s wishes for the trip. This allowed me to enjoy all activities and feel a sense of excitement and ownership at being able to take part in the planning process, something that made others happy, as well.
2. Prioritize what matters most
After all that hard work planning our travels, I learned another important lesson from my mom on this trip: the schedule matters most when in the planning stages, but should be held lightly when on the journey! During our Colorado roadtrip, we had an extensive bucket list but decided to only schedule hotels for the first three nights, giving us freedom to stay in a place longer if we liked it. The difference was a spirit of adventure and more spontaneous moments of fun! My parents were less stressed not having to follow their own strict schedule, and we all just chilled out about everything.
I know from experience, that if one person is stressed, eventually everyone else will catch the bad mood, kind of like a virus. Simply put, don’t let the schedule be your absolute priority: if you’re a little late, it’s okay, if you’re early, great! It does not matter. If you stress, we stress … and we remember it.
Because my parents stayed flexible and didn’t let any unexpected changes get to them, the whole family had a vacation that was almost completely free of conflict. This included when we didn’t have anywhere to stay and decided to buy a tent and sleeping bags and camp in Telluride. Even this was viewed as an adventure; we were all happily on it together! It was then that I learned the value of being flexible, which is something that does not come easy to me.
Next time, we may not wait till we’re on the trip to find accommodations, but we’ll certainly try to hang on to the spirit of fun and spontaneity that everyone picked up on. It made all the difference in the world!
3. Have Fun
Do they care or do they not care? That is the question that goes through every teens’ mind at some time or another. I’m so grateful that my parents chose to prioritize our relationship over schedules and work. If you make this choice, my hunch is that it will free you up to experience quality time with your teen, being present in the moment, having fun, and maybe even doing activities that you never would’ve done had you been in business mode. Engaging in fun activities WITH us actually speaks love TO us.
Spending time with your child is the best gift you can give them. Set aside time for you to do something you both love, or simply sit down and talk about anything under the moon. One of my favorite memories from our trip was when we stopped to take in a beautiful lake view and decided to hike around the entire lake, as well . About half way there, the trail ended. We took a family vote and chose to keep going, forging our own trail the rest of the way. At one point, the only way forward was to cross an extremely steep mountainside. It required us to make a human rope to get everyone across. There was real danger. We had to work together to find our way back. But, when we made it …. it was the best feeling ever! I’ll never forget it! I can’t quite explain it except to say that it made me feel so close to my parents, having memories together that were our own. And I loved them all the more for it. I’ve come to cherish quality time and adventurous experiences with them, and believe it or not, those moments have actually bridged the gap for when other times haven’t gone so well.
I know parenting a teen is hard. My parents and I have plenty of disagreements. It’s hard for us teens, too. They embarrass me, tell me “NO” more often than I would like to admit, and they don’t always dress the coolest (lol), but none of those things matter as much to me as the fact that I know that they love me. There’s a difference between loving your child and your child feeling loved. Take the time to figure out what makes them feel known, cherished and valuable to the family.
Best of luck for your next vacation! Oh, and let me know your thoughts and questions in the comments below. I’ll be checking and responding to them myself.
Much Love,
Julianna
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This is such a great perspective! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.